All I Can Think About

This is one of my favourite entries from a diary that I kept when I was 14.  Clearly, my early teen emotions were a force to be reckoned with!

I can’t help but read this with a small, knowing smile. How utterly bonkers it is to be young and experiencing complex emotions like lust, desire, pleasure and love for the very very very first time.

Respect to all teenagers, then and now!


31 May 1996

Dear Diary,

I have just come back from the best week of my life! My parents let me go to Spain with Rachel’s family for a week. It was so sunny and hot and brilliant and I just forgot about everything.

On the flight home I passed notes with a guy called Ben who was 17!! He was so nice. We passed notes through people but ended up talking across the aisle. No-one seems to understand how much I love him. And now he’s gone. He gave me his address but actually, I have the feeling it was all a big joke.

I can’t talk to anyone about the fact that I need him. He is all I can think about, apart from Gavin. Gavin was one of the air stewards and so unbelievably hot. I’ll never get to see him again either, well maybe one day.

Right now I just feel lost and empty without them.

I know I sound pathetic. If anyone reads this they will probably laugh. But I feel rubbish.