5. When I fall for a boy

IMG_93177 November 1997

Dear Diary,

Ok well I’m not feeling too good today – emotionally that is. I don’t know if I’ve told you but I really fancy Jack. I was really looking forward to seeing him at the Fireworks tonight as I knew he’d be there.  But things didn’t work out as I’d hoped.

SERIOUSLY, I’m 16 and I’ve never had a boyfriend! Sure I’ve kissed guys etc but that just isn’t the same. I dont think other people feel like I do. The other girls always get the man that they’re after. I’ve fancied a lot of boys in my time and they’ve never ever fancied me back. It’s always a kind of thrill when I start fancying someone new – will he go out with me, or will he not?

The whole Andrew situation was really upsetting. I thought something might happen and then SNAP he falls in love with Kate and goes out with her. Do I need plastic surgery??

So now I’ve developed a liking for Jack. I start to think something will happen. As you can probably deduce – NOTHING HAPPENED. And I’ve realised it never will.

At school I try to make out that I’m happy with the person that I am but I’m finding it hard to keep up the act. I am very glad that I have this diary as I can pour out my thoughts and the paper is always there to listen.

TOMORROW
I have to go up to Guildford High and sit 3 exams for a fucking scholarship. On a Saturday. It’s outrageous! My whole Sunday will then be taken up with crappy homework. God, I hate my life!

XOXO

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